Kijiji For Dummies

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I posted this under Tool Review because Kijiji is great. The site is clean. I like their business model (although not their prices; but that’s me being a cheapskate) and in general I can either find what I want at a good price or sell something I want to offload with minimal hassle.

Some of the people you interact with on Kijiji sometimes leave something to be desired (that’s a subset of a subset of a subset there; a very specific subset indeed). Aside from the threat of murder from your prospective clients, there is also the chance to interact with

  1. robots
  2.  loons
  3. cheapskates

As a tip to all those readers (if any) that are none of the above. I read somewhere and found to generally be true that 80% of the item’s posted price is the magic number to offer a seller. Usually they’ll take your offer.

That said you can imagine I can forgive the cheapskates almost anything. Their heart is in the right place. Sometimes they get overzealous and turn into what we call lowballers, but even those guys, they’re awesome. Imagine mastering that. You could literally buy everything for 10% of its retail cost, sure some of it might be slightly used, but if you’re a pro low baller, you probably only hit up those BNIB ads and offer less than half the asking price. Then, with that silver tongue and 1337 phrasing you score the deal of a lifetime again; sure it might take you all day and 3000 emails, but brother (sister) you earned it, whatever it was (I’m guess another treadmill).

No, this post isn’t about those guys and gals, nor the murderers,no. This is about the loons and robots whom I love.

Why the love? Well the loons and the robots give me an opportunity to be:

  1. sarcastic and rude without any repercussions
  2. writerly without any of those pesky commitments (i.e., writing that novel I’ve been working on)

The best way to attract the loons and robots is to post a car ad. Here’s a car.

2009 Civic Back

2009 Civic Dash 2009 Civic Driver seat 2009 Civic Front

 

Here’s some replies:

Hello! The following is a reply to your “2009 Honda Civic Hybrid Sedan” Ad on Kijiji:

From: REDACTED(EMAIL REDACTED)
Interested in a 2011 Yamaha yzf 450 dirt bike on trade and cash

You can respond to “REDACTED(EMAIL REDACTED)” by replying to this email.

Now not a total loon, maybe more a cheapskate, which again I respect.

My response:

If you can sell the dirt bike + cash I’ll go 8, but I dont need a dirt bike. I need CRV for the wife and two kids.

I think I was fair;maybe a little cocky, bur reasonable nonetheless. No, the type of loon I refer to is:

Hello! The following is a reply to your “2009 Honda Civic Hybrid Sedan” Ad on Kijiji:

 

From: REDACTED(EMAIL REDACTED)
Hi, I saw your ad “2009 Honda Civic Hybrid Sedan” on Kijiji. Ad ID: 1047505427. I am from Ottawa. I offer you $6,000 Cash now. The reason is because I have to pay for Ontario Emission Test, Ontario Car Safety Test, CarProof Report and Sales Tax. I think it will be around $2,300 plus my time and the headache that I will go through. I am very interested and have the cash to pay for it immediately. Thanks.

You can respond to “REDACTED(EMAIL REDACTED)” by replying to this email.

My response:


Lol you don’t emission test a hybrid so that’s at least a thousand dollars, plus my time explaining that to you so let’s make it 1200. Car proof is $50 and I’ll take $7.50 off for the Advil so I’ll give u that, The car doesn’t need safety so explanation plus savings we’re back up to 8942.50.  Taxes are between you and the government take it up with them on that front.
I’ll be swell and honor $8940. Cash please.

You may think, man, that’s pretty rude. I think you’re probably right, but this person is a loon, He’s trying to be a lowballer, but really he just comes across as nuts. Plus, I suspect replies like this are from phishing robots, which are also fun to get in debates with, because again I get to be sarcastic and rude without any repercussions and sometimes I write something that I think is hilariously witty then blog about it later.

I just realized how sad that is. Darn.

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