Deep-Fried Cleanup


For the past two weeks my four-year old has been on winter break and I have been trying to work and keep the house up and deal with the two-month old who while cute, has needs like being held and peeing everywhere. He is not happy unless he has peed somewhere; but then aren’t we all (men) a little unhappy when having not peed somewhere?

This is of course about why I just cleaned up the turkey oil today. It’s because I was busy; lay off.

The Clean Up

IMG_4238This is the oil. The honey-brown oil is turkey infused; the golden yellow is clean. I have about four litres of unused canola oil now, which to me feels like a lot. Getting it neatly organized like so took some effort because cooking with oil is a disgusting activity and made me feel every inch of my love handles as the viscous guck slid up and down my fingers.

Step 1 – Get Organized

I did not. I did not get the funnel nor did I get something to put on the counters nor did I think I could do this in the basement (although my first instinct was to do it outside, I decided the coldness of it–the outside I mean–precluded me from actually going out there and doing it). No, what I had was some cheese cloth, three clips, two large mason jars, a quarter full 16 litre container and 12 litres of oil in a 36 quart pot. No problem.

Step 2 – Plug the Sink and Get a Ladle

IMG_4231This is my sink as it fills with oil as I spill dirty gucky oil everywhere. You might not be able to see it, but you see that black line around the edge of the drain? That only got darker as I worked. Either oil seeped in between the metal or the oil activated some sort of chemical color change as it settled in the nooks and crannies of the sink. At the end of it all I had a nice gross rust brown rim around the seals of the sink. CLR took care of it, but for a little bit I was nervous I would have to replace the trap.

 Step 3 – Do It Somewhere Else

I highly recommend cleaning up the oil outside or in the laundry room sink. The pot is big and it gets oily and then your hands get oily and then you start wondering why you didn’t just dump it into the fire pit and ignite it while it was still hot? Do you really need to save $13.50 worth of oil ($18 for 16 litres at $1.125 per litre)? In the end I said yes, yes I do because I said I was going to and I’m already halfway there and I should just dump it down the sink and be done with it, but I can’t because I plugged it in step 2.

Step 4 – Grab that Ladle and Also Maybe a Spoon

Start ladling out that oil you poured into your plugged up sink. Do not let it drain. Do not stop until 90% of the oil is out. Don’t be lazy and don’t be stupid.

Step 5 – Wash The Pots, Bowls, Ladle, Clips, Your Hands, Anything You Touched. Wash Everything.

IMG_4233You should probably vaccuum before you start too because you’ll be wiping down every surface at least twice. Also do not use the shower setting on the sink. I have no idea what it’s for but it is not for washing large pots because it just sprayed everywhere and I had to wash everything down that it sprayed on.

 Step 6 – You’re Done

The pots are clean; the oil is separated; your hands are no longer greasy and smelling of turkey. Go blog about it. Write something clever. You deserve it, you dirty turkey smelling bastard. Oh did you rub your beard? Did some slicky grease spray on your shirt? Go shower first.

Final Thoughts in List Form About Deep Frying a Turkey

  • Cleaning up the oil is a royal pain.
  • The oil is hard on your pipes and hard on your counters.
  • The pot is large and unwieldy; you will need a deep sink; the pot is also hard on your counters.
  • the turkey deep fryer timer is defeated by a stick in the ground. Anything that easy to circumvent should be replaced with either a meaningful safety measure or not be there in the first place.


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